sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
