I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
