I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.