I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out