It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.