and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god