tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever