1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me