If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking