You really coming over, don't trick.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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