Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
