So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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