So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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