Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do herpes really smell.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
