I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I AM VODKA MAN
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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