i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
