nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
