Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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