I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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