So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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