If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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