I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
