Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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