i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
