I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
