Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
