a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to sanitize my soul.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
