you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
