I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
