Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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