mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
