how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
