Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
