i permit you to call me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
