i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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