My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
