the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
