I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
