HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
two words: eviction party
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
