new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
