im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
