do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
