fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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