Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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