If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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