a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
