Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
