dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
