Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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