i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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