Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
