You can't motorboat a personality
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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