Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
