I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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