I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize