Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
