a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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