I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
