im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
