My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize