I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
