The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
