i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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