a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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