he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
