I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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