One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
