Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
