I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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