so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
