4 words: hood of his car
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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