Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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