my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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